I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
