I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
