so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
