Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
