I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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