If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
