I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
