I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
