You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
