At least make sure they are 18
Why
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
