he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize