im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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