I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
