my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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