My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
