So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
