i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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