i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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