I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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