So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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