Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
