Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
this is an emotional support booty call
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
