Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
