if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
