Are we in a gay sports bar?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
