Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
