The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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