Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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