Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
How external is "for external use only"?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize