Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
