i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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