You smell like a Billy Joel song
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
