You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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