Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
