we made out on top of his cat.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
