So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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