You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
