3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
