cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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