He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize