You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
