My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
