i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize