he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
