My sheets look like a crime scene.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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