We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Randomize
