Someone shit on the floor
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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