im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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