you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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