She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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