9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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