i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
