so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
