I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
