you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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