Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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