How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's like God shit irony all over that family
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
