Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
