I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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