We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
