her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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