No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
