I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
